That little gasp of an aborted sentence just after the kiss… Aziraphale starts to say “I love you”, stops, and turns it into “I forgive you.” You can pry that theory from my cold dead hands.
Oh he absolutely does. I see that tongue, Sheen. He was going to say "I love you"
The fight between Aziraphale and Crowley about Gabriel goes like this:
Aziraphale believes that it's Safest for them to deal with the gabriel situation by being involved and solving it together.
Crowley believes that it's Safest for them to get as far away from the Gabriel situation as possible, either by removing gabriel from them or themselves from him.
Aziraphale also believes that it's Right to help Gabriel, because Aziraphale believes in the innate goodness of everyone and everything.
Crowley believes that it's Right to not help Gabriel or frankly to care about him at all, because Gabriel hurt Aziraphale repeatedly over millennia and then tried to destroy him.
They approach this issue with such a difference in their core beliefs and values that they have to disagree, it's inevitable. And that would be fine. Except that the way they resolve this argument is utter bullshit.
And you see the moment Aziraphale’s resolve wavers before he gets in the lift and he asks the Metatron about the big plan. And the instant he finds out about the Second Coming, you can see him set his jaw and realise this is what he has to do. This is the ‘big one’ Crowley idly mentioned in Berkeley square after the last failed Armageddon.
If they had talked, if Crowley had mentioned it was on the way, if Crowley had had the time to tell him what he’d seen and heard in Heaven, he would have realised even being an Archangel won’t help.
As far as Aziraphale knows, Gabriel was cast out for liaising with Beez. He doesn’t know anything about the trial or the reason for it because they didn’t have time to even touch on that (if they would even have managed to use their words). Which adds another layer to the pain pie: if Crowley is with him in Heaven, neither of them will be forced out.
It’s like Crowley’s own metaphor about the bees: Aziraphale wants to get Crowley into the hive where no one will pay any attention to him so he’ll be safe. But (and thank you Terry for this) Crowley has been inside the hive and knows there can only be one person in charge and anyone else who crosses them. Slash stab.
But the trouble is that this kind of non-communicating has had to be their way of talking to each other for so long, because there’s so much they couldn’t say because it could put them in danger. As Crowley says in the Job flashback “I’m not going to tell anyone. Nobody has to know”. They live in secrets and deception and lies and giving anything voice could be a danger.
yknow I think this is a conversation a large portion of this fandom is not ready for but truly we really do need to start addressing crowley's anger issues and the way he treated aziraphale throughout this season before we can even begin unpicking why aziraphale would choose to leave him like that
like it's soooooo easy for us to be angry with aziraphale and call him unreasonable and stupid, and it's so easy for us to see crowley as the misunderstood hero, the jilted love interest, at the hands of aziraphale, because we know everything crowley knows, and we also understand why he's so quick to anger regarding anything concerning heaven or hell or aziraphale's involvement with such, but aziraphale doesn't. aziraphale doesn't understand why crowley blows up at him with no warning every time he involves himself with heaven's goings-on. aziraphale doesn't get why crowley has been so on edge and miserable this whole time. because crowley won't fucking talk to him. he just gets angry, makes aziraphale feel small and stupid for trying to do good, without explaining that it's because he's scared and he's trying to protect him. he refuses to be honest with aziraphale about his own fears and vulnerabilities and is so determined to keep aziraphale innocent of all the truth about heaven that he never says a word, never voices how scared he is for him, and then gets angry with him when he makes "wrong" decisions as a result of that not knowing. we all know why crowley holds onto so much rage and resentment towards heaven, but aziraphale doesn't. all he sees is someone whom he expects to support him put him down constantly, be consistently exasperated with him, make him feel unheard. literally all the things that alienated him from heaven and other angels in the first place. I can guarantee aziraphale would not have seen heaven as his only option in that moment if crowley hadn't immediately exploded at him rather than just trying to discuss this sensibly with him. we know why crowley reacted the way he did, and so can understand his pain and recognise him as a victim in this scenario, but aziraphale doesn't know the half of it! because crowley has intentionally hidden shit from him for years! the way he shows his concern is so unproductive it's painful to watch. all of that fear and desperation to protect aziraphale only manifests as misdirected anger at him when it matters most, and all it does is push aziraphale further away, makes him less willing to comply, makes him feel like he's just being bent to someone else's will all over again, and he can't fucking understand why crowley is being like this with him, and it absolutely contributed to his decision to leave crowley behind. as easy at it would be to make aziraphale out to be the bad guy here, it's still so important to acknowledge just all the ways crowley drove aziraphale further into heaven's arms all on his own.
Here’s the most heartbreaking part
Crowley and Aziraphale love each other more than I think the other is able to comprehend. It is 6000 years worth of love and it’s not going anywhere. You can see it on their faces in that last shot they are still so in love
But, Nina and Maggie are right, they don’t talk to each other. Did you notice something in that last scene? Through all the tears did you catch it?
At no point does Aziraphale nor Crowley ask the other what they want. They only state what they themselves want, and when the other (obviously) doesn’t want it too, they don’t sit and go “Well what do you want then? Because I want you, more than anything, and I want us. So what do you want and how can we make it work?” They just try to convince the other that their idea of “together” is the best together, but it isn’t, because they haven’t decided on it TOGETHER
At no point do they talk to each other in that scene. And maybe if they had things would’ve been different, but they didn’t, so this happened instead
it took them 6000+ years to reach the admission that they want each other, they can't just do it in a healthy way immediately
I do think people are forgetting, sometimes willingly, that Aziraphale is JUST as heartbroken over the rejection as Crowley
They did not walk out of there with Crowley destroyed and Aziraphale bummed but getting over it once he was in the elevator. Aziraphale went to Crowley all giddy and excited because he really thought this was finally it, this was finally their chance to be happy, and he sees it as Crowley taking that chance and stomping on it. H wasn’t lying when he said he needed Crowley, he DOES, and now he thinks Crowley chose his hate for heaven over his love for him just as Crowley thinks Aziraphale chose his devotion to god over his devotion to him
It wasn’t as simple as “Aziraphale rejected Crowley” they both think the other rejected them it was essentially the messiest mutual break up you’ve ever seen
They’re both completely heartbroken and do not see the part they played in their own heartbreak. Both thinking THE OTHER caused it. It’s such a mess. It’s SUCH a mess I cannot STAND these two
listen.
aziraphale made the only choice he could make. From a narrative perspective, yes, but primarily from a character one. He would never have been happy if he'd run away with Crowley. He wouldn't even have been content.
however much he loves Crowley, Aziraphale has never been the impetus in their relationship. It's always been Crowley, nudging, urging, pushing, tempting and Aziraphale, for all the progress he's made over the millennia, still retains a deep-seated and not wholly conscious horror of giving in to temptation. The more he wants a thing the more bad he believes having that thing would be, and while he can rationalise the food and drink and clothes and books as harmless earthly pleasures, to turn his back on his devotion and his duty and give in completely to what he wants more than anything--that remains unthinkable, impossible for him even to contemplate.
he's a true believer, and true believers cannot be swayed by arguments. The more convincing the arguments are, in fact, the more the true believer refuses to consider them. The only way Aziraphale can find his way back to Crowley is through a crisis of faith. He needs to see the truth for himself and independently reach his own conclusions. If he didn't then he would always feel, deep down, that Crowley had manipulated him, that what they were doing was wrong, and that he, Aziraphale, had failed by giving in. Those kinds of doubts are the ones that kill you, slowly, by attrition, and by extension destroy everything you love.
but just think how much more powerful it will be when (not if... projecting) in Season 3 Aziraphale chooses Crowley with full willingness and his whole heart. Not because Crowley talked him into it but because he knows himself at last and knows what he wants. And is finally unafraid to take it.
"i choose you" is, has been, and always will be the most powerful declaration of love.
Also what the fuck was the im sorry dance. They really just did that and there was no further context. One of them said "do a silly little jig for my forgiveness" one day and they both just. Committed. What is wrong with them I wanna study them under a microscope
The first date of the I’m sorry dance was in 1650, when the puritans were in charge. It would be so like Aziraphale to have supported the puritans because “they’re doing good” only to realise wait, they stopped theatre and Crowley just standing there grinning.
“Very well, you were right, they are dreadful.”
“Not good enough, angel.”
“What? I said you were right.”
“Not good enough. Do it again. With a little dance.”
“Crowley, you can’t be serious.”
“With. A little. Dance.”
My first biology professor had an ‘inadequacy drawer’ full of things to remind him he wasn’t, in fact, the dumbest and laziest person to ever exist. It was mostly Darwin, notably these two bits:
‘But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything.’
‘I am going to write a little Book for Murray on orchids and today I hate them worse than everything.’
“I am at work on the second vol. of the Cirripedia, of which creatures I am wonderfully tired: I hate a Barnacle as no man ever did before, not even a Sailor in a slow-sailing ship.”
-Charles Darwin on a letter to his cousin
Charles Darwin: unexpected depression hero.
I knew about “I am very poorly and very stupid and hate everybody and everything,” but not the others.
“I hate myself, I hate clover, and I hate bees” is A Mood.
My favorite Darwinism: “I am dying by inches, from not having any body to talk to about insects”. Hits me right at the center of my hyperfixated soul.
I hate a Barnacle as no man ever did before
“The work has been turning out badly for me this morning and I am sick at heart and oh my God how I do hate species & varieties”
